I bluster and blow, and can't seem to shake this greatest support, teammate, partner in crime and conscience. Sometimes he can make me feel frustrated, angry, sad about the way i think about things. Others i'm just dumbfounded (he's pretty smart in another direction - like maybe even another dimension sometimes - than i am)...What a welcome challenge to the ordinary!
He's always there somehow. When i think about successes, i know he's there-it's subtle, unnecessary, but vital. He keeps me on path, and when i stray he forcibly reminds me where i'm headed. And this might seem a masculine overdrive, but for someone like me, it feels always gentle, guiding, reminding.
What he really does is make me remember the better person i want to be. Let me emphasize that appropriately. He emphasizes and reminds me *who i strive to be*. This better person that isn't out of reach, just hard to reach because i'm crass, self interested right now, and in many ways broken socially. He reminds me that i am *a better me.* He reminds me how to be that better me in the hardest of situations when i'm done with listening, hearing, being open. Sometimes it's hard to hear him. I occasionally drown him out with "have to's" and "got to get done's" but he always calls me on my thoughts and prejudices. "why do you feel so strongly in this one direction?" he'll ask when it's important. And as i collect my evidence, i realize i'm full of preconceived notions, and blubber from family, or past or present or media, or timy microcosmic world around me right now. And i will realize just what i was thinking, and where it came from and realize that it's not my own heart speaking, but someone else's.
It's in these moments, i realize i have found my greatest ally. I wouldn't give him up for the whole world. Or to sum it up in a treasure more tempting to me: i wouldn't trade that dynamic, challenging part of our relationship for .... oh, pretty much any precious prize. I might occasionally complain about daily living, or about dishes or failed communication. But in the end, we have this faery tale situation that is full of the fiercest passion i've known and wonder i wouldn't trade for a prince's crown, money, property, beach houses or mountain ski passes....
i would give everything up to have this man simply be present for the hard parts in my life so that when the easy parts come and i can share my wonder, my passion for love and living intensely and love of unlovable (and also lovable) people and this awesome unlikely chance to be a human being with conscious thought and the ability to express it and share in his way respond, feel, contemplate, even if we're not wholly in agreement. To share them with a knowing smile, the occasionally kiss or passionate some-such or even a bust out argument......that's a treasure i never thought i would find and still feel might be a risk of loss.
mjw you are treasure to me. I hope you always know, and i hope that when times get hard, i treat you as that treasure. I know i haven't sometimes, as the weight of this temporary everyday bears down. But know i will always struggle to be my best for you. Because it's for me and for you, for myself, and for passing on the gift i was given to feel, to feel passionately, and to never apologize for being too bright a star in the pool of spirit. You are my treasure, mostly because you are as equally bright-my foil, my mirror, my amplification.
I will walk through the fire with you.
I'm glad you chose to walk with me.
I don't need you, mjw. But i'm glad you've chosen to walk my path with me, whether beside, parallel, or slightly askew (akimbo?). You are truly my hero. For you i am *most* grateful. "You are my sun....my moon....and all my stars. " -- "not even the rain has such small hands." And i fall in love with you more every day. It's true.
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